With so much joy in my heart, I welcome you again today to The Super Family where we have the mandate to help put our families, your family, in the right perspective, God’s perspective, by teaching and/or encouraging various family values which we believe will help transform our marriages from the ‘necessary evil’ many people consider it to be, to what God intends for us. In the next few weeks, we will be considering the virtue called LOVE. Does true love really exist? Is love enough reason to get married? Can love alone sustain a marriage relationship? What exactly is love?
Let me quickly say here that we will be making much reference to the Bible in this study, which is the word of God and our final authority at The Super Family. Apologies to our dear readers who are Muslims, but we cannot talk about true love without referring to His word who Himself is LOVE. We trust God that our marriages will all become the better for it.
Now, let’s talk about LOVE!
“Husbands, love your wives…” Ephesians 5:25
Two facts need to be established here quickly and they are: (1) To love is a command not a plea, nor is it an advice. (2) The commandment was directed at the husbands. So primarily, it is the responsibility of the husband to love his wife. We will talk about the wife’s responsibility towards her husband in later editions as we journey along.
So what is this love we’re talking about? Thank God the Bible has not left us without its definition.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.
Let’s consider each of these qualities of love and see how well we fare in loving our spouses.
Patient- able to wait calmly for a long time; accept people’s annoying behavior without getting angry. A good scenario will be a husband having to wait for the wife to finish dressing up when they’re already 30 minutes late for an important event. A really annoying situation, I must say. But what the husband does while waiting is what shows whether or not he is patient as well as a true test of his love for the wife. Love is patient. So the next time you need to wait for your spouse, receive grace to do it patiently, not annoyingly, not grudgingly.
Kind- saying or doing things that show that you care about the other person enough to want to help or make her happy. You cannot claim to love your wife without showing her kindness.
It does not envy- Can a man envy his wife? Very well. The moment your wife’s positive achievements or pursuits become a threat to you, check it, there is envy in your heart and love has exited. Love teaches you to be genuinely and wholeheartedly supportive of your wife’s dreams without any feeling of insecurity.
It does not boast, it is not proud- It is only pride that makes a husband dish out orders to his wife like she was a servant. Only a boastful husband will not consider his wife’s opinions or contributions as necessary, rather forces his own will down her throat.
Does not dishonor others- Love demands also that you respect, honour, admire and highly esteem your wife. Many wives have no self-esteem left in them because their husbands have constantly pulled them down over time both in private and in public places.
Is not self-seeking- True love teaches you to drop the “I” and adopt the “we” mentality. It teaches you a simple rule of law that asks, “will this be in my spouse’s interest?”
Is not easily angered- it’s so disheartening to hear of husbands beating up their wives at every slightest opportunity. Some even claim that it’s their way of correcting their wives that since you would naturally beat to correct a child that you love, they’re also showing how much they love the wife by beating her to correct her mistakes. That is the highest level of insanity. Only mad men beat their wives. Love is not easily provoked. That is the scripture!
We will by God’s grace continue next week, but before then, I urge every husband that reads this to please be humble enough to let the word of God do the work of correction in your hearts and seek redress in areas you haven’t loved your wives as you should.
God bless you and peace be upon your home!